Dropkick Me Jesus, Through the Goalposts of Life
I’ve been changed, for the day I listened to this song, I KNOWED there was a GAWD! My homie, Crownie (McIGface), who is so foolish he needs a Sense Bailout, and I were on GChat and I sent him this video. This video had me in a severe bout of the CackleFits, which didn’t stop for most of the day. Twas turrble and awesome at the same time.
And you’ve all seen me say something was “dropkicked through the goalposts of life.” Well, here’s what started it. Just listen to this and read me and Crownie’s chat. We were out our minds.
Luvvie: *dead* “Drop Kick me Jesus through the Goalposts of life”
Crownie: ;lkdsjflgsmfvlaeskrmealskvesr (Crownie’s hysterical laughter)
___________________________________________________________ (Crownie flatlines)
Luvvie: I request that people wear white usher gloves to my funegro. I aint gon make it!
Crownie: Laaaaawddd he is SERIOUS in his plea!
Luvvie: iQuit people and country music
Crownie: *shouts*. iQuit YOU for sending me thisssss. ooooh I cant! I’m in my apartment SCREAMING. drop kick me jesus through the goal posts of LIFE! yesss lawwdddd
Luvvie: i just KEELED again!
Crownie: LAWD I saved it to my favorites.
Luvvie: OMG I’m CRYING still! I’m soooo thru with homo sapiens. THROUGH! Do you hear me??
Crownie: I just grew 3 new abs. God works in mysterious ways. Where’s my inhaler?????
Luvvie: You best find it before Jesus drop kicks you in the lungs
Crownie: LAESLDKJFGLKSDJFG *DEAAAADDDDD*
Crownie: two quits in one day….you are gone from me now….be blessed…
Luvvie: *holds on to crownie’s ankles* You can’t leave me! You can’t LEAVE ME!!! do you hear me???? You aint goin NOWHERE!
Luvvie: bwahaha aw man Jesus just drop kicked my ability to act right. Why is this song stuck in my head??
Crownie: LMAO I thought I was the only one. I just texted my mama “drop kick me jesussssss”. She said … WHAT IN THE NAME OF GOD?!?!
Luvvie: hahahahahahaha yessss
5 hours later
Luvvie: Thru the goalposts of life
Crownie: Yes lawd. Not to the left. Nor the right. RIGHT THROUGH THE MIDDLE, JESUS. direct me lawwwdddd
Luvvie: But thru them yellow bars of the world!
Crownie: YESSSSSS! *shouts off good square toed church shoes*. stacy adams
Luvvie: Hahahahhahahahahahahaha *throws down church fedora and stilettos*
Crownie: lijaskjlfkadsjkkjnjugvgv I ABSOLUTELY CANNOT AND WILL NOT
Crownie: I believe it’s just best if I quit you now before you say something that bursts my laughbox.
Luvvie: Hahahaha you done quit me thrice 2day. Thrice!
Crownie: omg omg omg omg omg you HAVE TO GET ON YOUR COMPUTER. ASAP ASAP
Luvvie: Lol oh nooo. Whatcha find?
Crownie: OOOOOOOOOH lawwdddd. I found somebody performing it. Jeeeeeeeesus it’s a lil ole country family!
Luvvie: Hahahahahahaha Oh nooooo
Crownie: oohwhee Jesus wept. lmao he sayssss “I got the will if YOU GOT THE TOOEEEE”. yess laawddd. My Jesus is a PUNTER. praise GAWD’T!
Luvvie: Bwahahahahaahah Not a punter!
Crownie: When Jesus kicks me I want the LAWD to say.. “IT’S GOOOOOOOOOOODDD!!!”
Luvvie: iQuit u. PLEASE GO!
Crownie: THIS IS IKE AND TINA….we got 5455645 days between here and a good nights right. you tryna leave me anna mae?!
Luvvie: Yes I am! talmbout “My Jesus is a punter.”
*watches 2nd drop kick me Rendition featuring White Church Choir* *dies again*
Luvvie: In honor of the superbowl??
Crownie: I died … rose 3 seconds later only to DIE again. I want black and gold balloons at my funegro.
Luvvie: I would like my epitaph to say “She came. She tried to live a good life, but promptly died after she was drop kicked by Jesus after watchin this video.”
Crownie: LOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL LMAOOOO
Luvvie: omg this day has been AWESOME. jus b/c of drop kick me Jesus
Moral of this story: My GChat is AWESOME!